EI = Emotional Intelligence.

EQ - Emotional Quotient.

The term EQ is a bit like IQ, the difference being EQ measures your Emotional Quotient, the measure of how emotionally intelligent one is.

Emotional Intelligence (according to Daniel Goleman - EI guru) consists of:

Self awareness - Awareness of others - Self Management - Relationship Management

To allow oneself to even move through the latter 3 stages, one must master stage 1 - Self Awareness and really get close to the truth of who you are and the impact you have on others.

So, I’m going to give you a gift, here is a nice little N.L.P. model which will allow you to explore yourself further in relation to self awareness. You will need 3 chairs for this exercise - it’s essential to success.

• Firstly, recall a situation where things didn’t go as well as you’d have liked; an interview where you didn’t get the job, an argument with a partner or child, a bad meeting at work??

• Now, sit in chair 1, this is ‘you’ going back to the situation, picture yourself back in the situation, allow yourself to hear the words being spoken. What are your feelings? What are your thoughts?

• Stand up, take a look out of the window or open the door and have a look around.

• Next sit in chair 2, this time you are going to ‘be’ the other person in your recalled situation, get into their mind and when recalling the situation remember you are ‘being’ them, so you see things through their eyes, use words like “I” as if you were them. Ask the following questions. What’s going on here in this situation? What am I seeing/saying? What is the person in chair 1 saying? How am I feeling? What am I thinking?

• Stand up, go and take a look in another room or focus on an object in the room such as an ornament/photo.

• Ok, final stage, sit in chair 3 and this time you are an independent detached observed, take on a view as if you were a passer by noticing this situation and speak from their standpoint. Watch the situation between the person in chair 1 and 2, what’s going on? What’s their body language telling you? What advice would you give to the person in chair 1 and chair 2?

Well done, that part of the activity is now complete.

Next, to get a clear view of yourself, consider what you have just learnt from that exercise, if you were in that situation, what would you stop, start and continue in terms of your behaviour?

By doing this activity you have increased your self awareness and you now have a choice, you can continue as before if it’s getting you the results you’re looking for, or you can choose to change your behaviour if you think it will help you get better results.

This is a flavour of Emotional Intelligence…just type it into any search engine and you can keep yourself entertained for hours, weeks, months or even years learning more on this topic!

One final comment I often get asked on this topic is, what’s the point, I can’t change the other person’s behaviour? Let’s think about that and ask if you change your behaviour, does the other person change theirs? In my experience more often than not…they do.

Thanks for reading my blog, I hope you’ve enjoyed it and learnt something new, wishing you a long and happy life

Zx

When might you use this? Anger management, Stress management, Interviews, Relationships and many many other situations…

When you think of your attitude towards life and your responses to situations in life, do you find there are times you think “I wish I was more like xxx when I do/see/hear/experience xxx”, for example you might say “I wish I was more like Ella, when she is in a high pressure meeting, she handles herself really well, whereas me, I sometimes go ‘off like a bottle of pop’ and then regret it later”. Or “I wish I had the patience of Mother Theresa when it comes to handling the kids having an all-out argument!”.

Well good news, any behaviour that you want can be copied and modelled (If you want it enough that is!). I’m not suggesting for one moment that you copy the ‘whole’ of another person, cloning the life of another, in my opinion is not a healthy option for anyone! However, if you find there are elements of your behaviour you would like to change, then there are easier ways than you think.

When we choose to change something, particularly our behaviour, we can often fall into the trap of “I don’t want to react like this when this happens” - this is phrased in the negative (I DON’T WANT), think of a role model you admire who handles ‘this’ situation well, what is it they do? How do they do it? What’s their tone of voice? What body language do they give out? What do you think is going on in their mind? Now you have a positive phrase “When this happens, I’m going to respond like this….”, the mind works so much better with positives.

It’s important at this stage to point out that a behavioural change is incremental, it’s a case of practice, practice and more practice. We would be foolish to think that our old behaviour will disappear just like that, so accept any fallbacks as learning points - to quote Garth Brooks “Failure isn’t failure if a lesson from it’s learnt”, so dust yourself down and get back on your mission and soon the old behaviour becomes uncomfortable and new behaviour more comfortable, until it’s your natural way.

Wishing you a very happy life,

Zx

So, if you’ve been hesitating about getting your life on track….now really is the time to make the difference, for yourself and others….Life Coaching is the solution you are looking for.

Alternatively if you’re a small business and you want to experience working with a small business coach, here is the opportunity, to develop yourself/business and at the same time make a big difference to the lives of millions….Small Business Coaching is the solution for you.

Or are you a business professional, an executive? Need to work your way through a challenge in the workplace or achieve your next personal or business goal?….Executive Coaching is the solution you are looking for.

Please do take advantage of this fantastic opportunity and act now…both for the good of yourself and to make a difference in Haiti….don’t hesitate…just do it!

Act now to make the difference…

Call Zoe on 07977 229059 or e-mail ladybirdlifecoaching@hotmail.co.uk

My advice would be to create a wheel of life - I give a free guide on how to do this in an earlier post.

Decide which area of your life would benefit most from some extra attention.

Write a list of the ups and downs of this area of your life.

How important is this to you on a scale of 1-10, (1 being not very important to 10 being vitally important) - if you believe it’s less than 8 then you may want to look back and decide what it was that made this area stand out to you. Be strict with yourself and put pen to paper - so if you’re sat reading this and think I’ll pretend I have….STOP….GO and fetch some paper and make this real for YOU.

Now, jot down all the things that make this area matter to you, list things which make it important if you do (the + column), also list things which will be damaged if you don’t (the - column), for example, with giving up smoking, you may write in the + column, better health, able to play with the kids more without being out of breath, in the - column you might have increased risk of cancers, ageing skin, etc.

Check your list and ensure it matters enough to you to want to change it.

Now visualise life when the desired change has happened….STILL USING YOUR PEN AND PAPER…jot down what you see, hear and feel having successfully made this change in your life - enjoy this moment. Jot down a realistic date of when you will have achieved this.

Take a moment to think of where you are now and where you visualised yourself in the future, jot down what’s in the way.

Take your list of challenges as if they were those of a good friend of yours, now offer that friend your very best advice on what to do to overcome those challenges…..keep making notes…..your ‘friend’ will thank you for this!

YOU WILL BY NOW HAVE:

Your goal - what you want to achieve - see, hear and feel and by when

Your commitment and passion to achieve it - at least 8/10

Your challenges and the solutions to these challenges (from your own best friend - you!)

WHAT YOU NEED TO DO NOW:

Break down your actions into smaller manageable steps and work towards one at a time, ensure you praise yourself for every single positive step you make and use any setbacks as learning points rather than berating yourself.

ENJOY YOUR OWN SUCCESS AND PLEASE DO LET ME KNOW HOW YOU GET ON…I love to hear your stories.

Best wishes

Zx

For many, particularly us working mums, the festive season can conjure up feelings of stress and anxiety, when this happens our bodies release hormones, such as cortisol and we often experience a chemical imbalance, this can impact on our moods, lead to poor concentration and even cause headaches!

So, start your Christmas de-stress now, by recognising what your ‘weak points’ are when it comes to stress and identify ways of working around these, here’s a few suggestions:

· Shop on-line both for presents and groceries – saving you time, car parking hassle and charges, aching feet and limbs which resemble Mr Tickles Extraordinary Long Arms!

· Get people involved – talk to those with whom you plan to spend the festive season, ensure you share your views and they share theirs, work to find some common ground and agreements

· Too many cooks – if you are the one who usually does the cooking or the one who usually sits and waits for it to be cooked, this year agree in advance on who will do what on the big day. For example, Mum may love to cook the lunch and then have a rest and Uncle John may prefer to tidy up after lunch, but would hate to cook the Turkey! As much as possible work with people’s own choices – they’re much more likely to take part if they’ve chosen it themselves!

· Picture perfect – our minds are extremely powerful, use your mind in advance to visualise situations which may cause you upset and ‘watch’ yourself deal with them in a positive way, this tricks the mind into believing it’s already dealt with it so when faced with the reality your visualised response is more natural

· Have an ‘escape route’ up your sleeve, if things are getting too much, have a planned exit, this could be taking the dog for a walk, offering to ‘take the bins out’ or if you only have a few minutes, nipping to the loo! In this time follow these quick steps (jot them on a post it and keep in your pocket!):

1. Pause your thoughts

2. Take some deep breaths to calm down

3. Look at the bigger picture – this is one day out of 365

4. Laugh at the situation

5. Use positive statements such as “I am happy, I am calm and I am relaxed” and breathe between each feeling.

Then you’ll be ready to go back into the situation and see it in a new light!

Wishing you peace and happiness over this festive season.

Zx

]]> http://www.ladybird-life-coaching.co.uk/2009/11/tis-the-season-to-be-jolly/feed/ http://www.ladybird-life-coaching.co.uk/2009/10/be-grateful-for-what-you-already-have/ http://www.ladybird-life-coaching.co.uk/2009/10/be-grateful-for-what-you-already-have/#comments Sun, 25 Oct 2009 07:22:13 +0000 admin http://www.ladybird-life-coaching.co.uk/?p=166 Sometimes we get so focussed on what we have a ‘perceived’ lack of ie. money, time, etc that it’s easy to forget how fortunate we are. I recently had a conversation where I heard of a school in Tanzania where the pupils walk 2 hours to get there and until recently they had no meal each day, even now with the help of charity support they only have one carton of high energy juice and this can only happen on 4 days of the week due to lack of funding! This post is to remind us of how much we all have already and to start noticing … life is made up of moments….enough moments and you have a life!

Thanks for reading my posts….live life, love life Zx

If you’ve been considering taking some sort of action for a long time i.e. finding a new job, starting a new hobby, achieving something amazing (climbing mount everest), etc and you haven’t actually DONE anything then perhaps it’s time to get some professional support from a life coach. A life coach can help you identify what it is that you really want to achieve and identify what is ‘getting in the way’. Us life coaches are trained in identifying with clients what their goals are and how they can harness their positive energy and turn it into positive action overcoming any barriers in the way.

For an informal chat or a free half an hour session, contact me Zoe, on 07977 229059 or mail me ladybirdlifecoaching@hotmail.co.uk. You’ll be glad you did.

Zx

My first thoughts on reading the book title were, this is another book about making your millions, however I was wrong, this book goes so much further and moves you to see how you can live a richer life.

In my role as a leadership and talent training consultant and executive coach, I often find myself uncovering people’s hidden beliefs about themselves and others. Do you ever find yourself having a little chat with yourself - you know what I mean, the chitter chatter which goes on in your mind. Have you ever set yourself a goal, for example: “I’ll give up smoking” and then when it comes down to it, you perhaps give up for a few days…perhaps a week or two, but then find you’ve fallen off the wagon. What happened? The chances are your thoughts led you to do it, there would have been a point where you would have thought “I don’t think I can keep this up” or “I know I’m going to fail eventually”. The thought then became a reality.

Hmm, so how does this help me, I hear you say. Well, the fab news is the thought which drove you to give up giving up can be altered to a thought that will help you stay on track. Let’s look at Napoleon’s quote again - “Whatever your mind can conceive and believe it can achieve” - so it thought it could give up giving up and hey presto that’s what it achieved. What would happen then if you consistently thought “I’m a non-smoker and will be for the rest of my life“. It sounds so easy and although it is, what can happen is that one of those not so good thoughts can creep in a jeopardise it!

How can you control this? Firstly the great news - you are in control. Make the decision, stick to it, write your self-affirmation i.e. “I’m a non-smoker“, keep it in your mind - use things which remind you, I personally like things I can see, so you may write it on post-its and keep them around your house/office/workplace. How about picking a feel-good song which you assosciate with a smoke-free lifestyle? Keep a separate purse/wallet and at every point in the day when you would normally have a cigarette, reach for your usual purse and take out the price of a ciggie and put it into your ’savings’ purse. Use this to reward yourself in other ways - at first reward yourself regularly, maybe even daily or weekly, then once you’ve started to see the small benefits, consider saving for something really worthwhile - Ipod, holiday, etc.

The key is to keep it positive in your mind, especially in the early weeks, once you’ve practiced it for say 3 months, the brain’s pathways work with you to make the transition easier! What great news - you are re-programming yourself!

YOU ARE CAPABLE OF ACHIEVING WHAT YOU WANT - TRY THE ABOVE AND PLEASE LEAVE ME SOME FEEDBACK TO LET ME KNOW HOW YOU GET ON - I LOVE TO HEAR YOUR STORIES!

Wishing you peace and happiness

Zx

1. Firstly get a blank sheet of paper
2. Then draw a circle, draw lines across the circle to create a pizza effect with 8 segments
3. Each segment represents an area of your life, you can label them as you wish, here are some common labels you may wish to use; family, relationships, friends, career, study, fun, excitement, wealth, health
4. Once you’ve labelled your eight segments, imagine each segment has a 0-10 score for your current satisfaction level in this area, say the centre of the circle is 0 and the outer edge is 10, either shade the area your satisfied with (i.e. a 5 in the health segment would give you a half coloured segment from the centre to half way out) or simply label each segment with your scores
5. Now review what you have in front of you, this will give you an idea of the areas you’re most and least satisifed
6. Finally, ask yourself this question “If I could improve any of my scores, which would it be and what makes that important to me?”

This short exercise has helped you identify which area of life you would benefit from working on, to find out more about coaching, please feel free to contact me for an informal chat….you’ll be glad you did!

Wishing you peace and happiness

Zx

You’re sat at the top table, the wedding buffet has been devoured and you’re itching with excitement to deliver your speech.

You stand up, tinkle a glass with a spoon and immediately you have a captive audience. You’re opening line triggers the intended laughter, breaking the ice and opening the stage for your well rehearsed speech. You’ve a few notes, not that you need them, your style is natural and your energy high. You glance sideways and see the pleasure in the bride’s face - you’re making this moment special. A few more well placed and apt jokes and the audience is putty in your hands - give them more. You’re so relaxed and you feel all your hard work preparing for this day is being rewarded. You end your speech with a warm hearted touching serious note about the lovely couple and raise a toast! After chinking glasses the audience clap and cheer and the mood for the rest of the day is set! You wander around after and person after person comes up to congratulate you on a fantastic speech, what’s more people are asking if you speak professionally in your career and ask if you’re available for other functions! You feel amazing, you sounded great and the happy couple are delighted!

Are you in this wonderful position of being asked to deliver a wedding speech?

If so, are you filled with excitement about this?

Do you have some fear? Perhaps a little voice in your head giving you a little doubt?

This is totally normal, working with a life coach can help you overcome these nerves, whether they’re about content of your speech, speaking in front of a large group of people, self-image, etc.

Contact me for further information.

Zoe - 07977 229059 or

ladybirdlifecoaching@hotmail.co.uk

You’ll be glad you did - picture yourself receiving those compliments!

Zx